Postpartum depression

As a mom of two kids, I have always heard talk about post partum depression. I have also experienced it with both children and it has been a tough and at times even unbearable weight on my shoulders. It can make you feel as though your crippled by saddness and anxiety. When you have a new baby it is the worst time for this awfulness,as it leads to guilt and also frustration , which definitely make things worse.

BE KIND TO YOU

 

My advice to you to you momma is to not be so hard on yourself. If you feel you are struggling with PPD. Please go to your doctor and get help and service possible. There are plenty of medications that you can take and if medication is not your thing therapy should help to. Of course I am NOT a medical doctor and I’m not really qualified to give medical advice except for the fact that I have had two children that have been through  this twice. The first time I tried to pretend that it wasn’t a problem and I put on a show for everyone.  I’m not sure if anyone knew that I was actually suffering on the inside. I look back now four years later and I really wish that I would have gotten some help. Even if the help was only talking to a friend. I feel like in those days PPD was something that wasn’t really addressed I heard some about it but I felt like it was still kind of taboo. I always felt guilty like it was my fault and I had done something wrong . But now years later I realize that it is not something that we can       Necessarily  control. And it is even something that happens to many women. Apparently you’re more susceptible to it if you have any previous history of depression.but the amount of helpful resources out there is so abundant there’s no reason to not seek help. When I was at my worst with PPD I would shut myself in and keep myself away from people. I’m here to tell you that being by yourself is the worst even if it’s just a walk outside get out there go do it. It doesn’t really matter how new your baby is you could go for a walk outside and not have to worry-about germs and such. Fresh air is great for mom and give you a fresh perspective. I would NOT recommend taking a new baby to Disney World or a shopping mall but a nice walk outside in your own neighborhood or even at a nice park would do you wonders. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would probably go for walks every single day and I darn sure definitely would have gotten to a therapist. I do not like taking medicine, nothing wrong with anyone who does take medicine for depression but it’s just not my thing. When I was a teenager I was put on several different antidepressants and all they did for me was make me angrier at times or just  even more depressed. But I also have a few friends who take antidepressants and they’re totally fine and they say that it’s the perfect solution for them. More power to them if antidepressants worked for me I would take them to.  Motherhood is a journey at times it is so tough but believe me it’s all worth it just like they say. The trick to it is finding ways that make it survivable . This can seem impossible when you have PPD but believe me it’s not. It’s also a good thing to have the support of you were’s palace or significant other. remember this, if no one knows that you’re suffering that no one can do anything to help you and you don’t need to fight your battles alone. One of the biggest mistakes I have made throughout my life is I always think to myself that I have to fight my battles alone. And that is  just not true. Friends, family, significant others, therapists, pastors this is what they’re here for. They’re here for us when we need them and then we are to be there for them when they need us.  I just wish that more people understood that including myself. But I have definitely learned that that old saying is so true,” hindsight is 2020″. It’s so easy for me to give you advice on something that I am no longer currently dealing with. I feel like when we are in the storm it’s so hard to see our way out. But once it is past we look back and wonder how did we ever get caught so hard in the storm anyway. Just hold on tight mama. Remember that this storm will not last forever, before you know it life will be back to normal it may seem like an attorney but trust me. It will happen :-).

 

When I was dealing with PPD, one of the hardest things that I had to go through was not having the energy to care for myself let alone my child. This didn’t happen every day but when I did it was so crippling. And the guilt from that was insurmountable. And by no means am I saying that I didn’t take care of my child because of course I did but on those days I just could not get the energy to move it when I finally did move I felt so   Chain, if you have ever dealt with PPD then you know what I mean. And then when my child to finally go to sleep I would just cry and cry feeling so guilty that I couldn’t wait to get them to sleep. And then I would feel like I would give anything for them to wake up so I can  somehow love them and take care of them right. When I had PPD one thing I never struggled with was loving my children. That has never ever been an issue the problem comes more so of having to be able to quiet all the negative thoughts that acompany  it. PPD has this way of making you feel like you are in capable of anything and you’re the worst. PARENT.EVER.but I want you to remember even on your worst days that you are definitely not the worst parent ever, in fact you’re far from the worst parent ever. In my opinion the worst parent ever would not give a flying bleep if they were a good parent or not they wouldn’t even have any concern they would think that they were the greatest parent. Next time that you were questioning if you are a good parent or not I want you to ask yourself these three questions :

 

1)  do you care about your children?

2) do your children have a home to live in?( even if it’s not your own home it still counts)

3) do your children have food?

4)are u trying?

If you answered yes to at least three of these questions or perhaps all four and yes you’re a good parent and stop being so hard on the self. As parents I feel like they make things way more complicated than they need to be . Parenting is supposed to be a fun time, I know that he can get extremely stressful believe me I know having a four-year-old and a.m. 18-month-old.  There are times when I want to just rip my hair out. But there are also many more fun times that would not even happen if I didn’t have the two of them. I think God for them every day and I’m here to tell you that the good times definitely outweigh the bad.  And you need to remember that PPD does not last forever. Postpartum depression is just a phase while you’re going through it it seems like an attorney but have faith that it will not last forever. Journaling definitely got me through this crazy time and now when I read back on my entries I can’t even believe we’re the same person . Postpartum depression just has that much of an effect on people. But I can’t stress enough how temporary that it was. In life we see seem to tend to feel like bad times will last forever just hang in there and remember before you know it this time will be over so enjoy each season because each season is wonderful in its own unique way and each comes with a challenge. Besides enjoy the baby days because before you know it  they’re going to be a angry teenagers LOL.

 

I want to and this entry by just reassuring you that you are a good mother and you can do this. Just the fact that you are reading this wanting to know more about postpartum depression would tell me or pretty much anyone else that you’re wanting to change so great job momma. I would also like to take this time to address the issue of postpartum psychosis. I have never dealt with this issue and I don’t know much about it, but what I do know is that a serious issue with a mother wanted to harm her baby I strongly urge you that if you are having any thoughts to harm you baby or yourself that you call 911 immediately. Do not risk hurting yourself or your baby it’s not worth it. No matter how much a baby cries for how hard they may seem to take care of that’s no reason to harm the baby and if you’re feeling so overwhelmed that you feel these thoughts or feelings please please please get help.

 

As always thank you for reading and I hope that this helps someone

3 bedtime secrets for toddlers

Baby girl at bedtime


Greetings y’all I’ve been thinking a lot about bedtime here lately. I have two children as you know my daughter is four and my son is a year and a half. Bedtime is obviously something that I’ve struggled with for years now. When my daughter was a baby I wish there was a lot of things that I knew then that I know now. When she was a baby I couldn’t get her to go to sleep earlier than about 11. That’s what made me decide to write this blog post who knows who I will help I’m by no means an expert but I feel like I am a veteran of motherhood now. I feel that there are three main rules to follow when it comes to bedtime these rules are as follows;
1)go with the flow things are not always going to go the way you plan so why not just roll with the punches.
2)have a bedtime ritual! This can be as complex or as simple as you’d like.
3) be consistent. I hope these tips help.

A SUPER IMPORTANT thing  I have learned about bedtime is that sometimes but time is not going to go as expected. I would love to sit here and tell you that your child will always go to bed at the same time and bedtime will always be an easy wonderful wholesome experience. But I am known for my honesty so let me give you the honest truth about bedtime with kids. If you follow a routine and do the basic same thing every night which is having a set bedtime and at least reading them a story every night or something simple like that they will go to sleep at the same time 75 to 80% of the time if not more. BUT Sometimes you will get your get your kids to sleep grab a nice book and sit down with a cup of hot tea or maybe even a glass of wine and some Netflix depending on your preference and just when you start to get really relaxed you will hear a cry or scream, perhaps if you have older children they will just run in a need something like to take a bath or they’re starving. I cannot tell you how many times my four-year-old has come in to me after bedtime and needed everything that you can think of under the sun. I don’t know what it is about kids but bedtime is a needy time anyone with children knows this and I’m sure a lot of you are reading this like oh my goodness why didn’t I think of this sooner. Well that’s kids for you LOL. I have found that the most important thing is to just keep your cool and remain firm the more that you give into your child at bedtime the more that they’re going to realize that all they have to do is keep asking you for things at bedtime and they won’t have to go to sleep. Now of course if it’s a legitimate need definitely take care of it sometimes my daughter will come in and she’s afraid so I will just simply go in her room and talk to her and maybe read her an extra story but I don’t stay in there long and I go back to bed. The number one key is to stay calm and to stay firm. I know that there’s nights when everything feels like it’s falling apart and you just are counting down the moments until bedtime. But it’s so important to remain calm I’ll be the first to admit that there have been a few nights at bedtime where my kids have been very needy and it is taking forever to put them to bed and I have wound up at my wits end and extremely frustrated sometimes even yelling. I can tell you from experience that yelling and being upset did not do anything but keep my kids up longer. Now its my main goal is when I put my kids to bed to just keep a level head on my shoulders even if I feel like the world is falling apart I put on a good show for the kids and they have no idea that I’m stressed. And besides they shouldn’t have to see how upset you are. As a parent we should find other ways to vent or frustrations but yet again that is a whole Nother blog post. My best tip of advice is just to keep in mind that it won’t last forever and that they will go to bed and that one day they’re going to go to bed on their own and you’re not going to have to do anything and you’ll probably miss bedtime. Bedtime is one of the best times to connect with kids because there aren’t as many distractions especially if you put your phone away 🙂

 

Another bedtime rule is to have a ritual. Now don’t get all scared on me when I say ritual I don’t mean any thing that has to be superlong are supershort. A ritual could be whatever you wanted to be however long or short you prefer. For me my bedtime ritual starts after dinner once dinner is done I work on getting the kitchen clean and yes I do hand my kids their tablets or I do put on a movie I’m not perfect. Remember the title of my blog be in perfect mom’s.com LOL but anyway so while my kids are busy I tidy up the house some and then after their movie usually something short like a 30 minute cartoon preferably Sesame Street or something like that. Once I have my tidying done which let me remind you it’s important not to spend more than about 30 minutes all this trust me you’ll get burned out. Then I give my kids a bath and after the bath we usually cuddle up and watch a Disney movie together. This is one of my funnest times of the day just to sit down and relax with the kids even though it’s hard sometimes to sit down and relax it’s really one of the most important part of your day. But that’s a whole Nother blog topic. After the movie is over I put my one and a half year-old to bed first I sing to him and hold him and then I put him in his bed with his singing puppy and I turn on his classical music box. Once he is in his bed and not crying I go to my daughters room and I talk with her for a few minutes about how her day is my daughter is for. Then I sing her a song and I tell her good night and boom bedtime is handled. I think that a routine works wonders for kids are used to not believe this. When my daughter was a baby and I only had one child I would just wing it every night and I would constantly wonder why my kid was up until 10 11 o’clock at night. But now that I am older and wiser I have realize that having a bedtime ritual for a child is the best way to have a consistent bedtime and more peace in the home. I believe that 730 is the ideal bedtime for young children. My kids wake up about seven or eight depending on what time they actually go to sleep. 730 is the goal it never happens all the time but it does happen most of the time start with with a ritual with your children today and I promise you in a few weeks it will pay off rituals are hard at first because it takes everyone some getting used to. But like I said after a few weeks of follow-through and hard work it will really pay off and then you will be doing it without even trying and you’ll probably find yourself like me when I am not home I feel weird not being able to do the ritual the same way but I just adapted just roll with the flow life is awesome you just have to go with it.

Possibly the number one rule is I have learned for bedtime is that consistency is key. I’m sure this sounds like a no-brainer but when I think back on all of the times I have one against this I realize how easy it is to do without even thinking about. We like to take our kids places like Disney grandparents parks you name it. But one of the things that I noticed that happens with these adventures is bedtime kind of gets thrown to the wind. The kids wind up staying up till all hours of the night this past Thanksgiving for example they stayed up until almost midnight. So well every night one cannot follow a bedtime routine especially one that is large. I believe that each and every night we can at least commit ourselves to having the same bedtime and the same basic routine. For my kids their bedtime is about 730 and their basic routine is me singing to them and holding them or reading them a story that’s something I really like because not only is it very rewarding but it is also something you can do anywhere how hard is it to pack a book and bring your singing pipes.

I hope that these tips help. If you try any of this advice I would love to hear from you how it worked. And also if you have any questions about bedtime feel free to drop a comment and I will respond thank you all have a blessed day.

 

Raising monarch Catapillar’s chapter 1

Caterpillar 🐛 house

I have been raising monarchs for a few months now. I would like to take this time to say that I am no means an expert on the subject I am just a normal person trying my best it’s something new. And I wanted to share those experiences with you.  Raising monarch caterpillars is a very rewarding thing and honestly it doesn’t even take much effort there have been weeks that I have forgotten to water the plants and yet the monarchs chop on.  Not to mention that these little fellows are also great to teach kids about science. My four-year-old enjoys helping me not only water the plants but also just check out what they are doing.

 


So today I learned a lesson with my caterpillars. When our weather gets about 50° the Catapillar’s seem to almost died. I went outside this morning and I could not find any of the three caterpillars that were on the plant when I went to sleep. I immediately began freaking out. I keep a potter two on the porch to keep the Catapillar’s from being eaten by predators such as spiders of lizards. When I went out this morning and they were gone I started to search for them one was on the floor and other two were on the table in different locations. When I pick them up they were ice cold and hardly moving.

Since i  have been studying about oceanography I’ve been learning about endothermic and ectothermic organisms. Ectothermic have trouble regulating their body temperature I’m not sure of caterpillars of this type but thinking of that I grab them and place them in my hand. After about 30 seconds in my hand they started moving around like normal. So I’m starting to think that maybe when the weather gets cool the monarchs just kind of slow down some. I currently have them inside in a little box with holes. In the morning , I am going to release them back into the wild since it is going to be about 70°. I really need to get my garden in order I need to plant my plants but I need to also get some in pots so when the harsh weather comes I can bring them inside to keep the monarchs going. If anyone has any comments or suggestions or even questions about raising monarchs please don’t hesitate to ask me.  I am going to do my best to make blog posts about each and every step of this journey I’m going to be trying different ways of trying to make plants from cuttings, raising the plants are in the colder weather, and also raising caterpillars and butterflies indoors stay tuned 🙂

What a long week!

Love his kisses
Love his kisses


So this week has been pretty long. I had finals this week and I’m happy to say that I got a C for math. An A for oceanography. And a B for ethics .  I wanted to get all A’s but with two kids that’s a little hard. Especially to four and under I’m coming to realize that the beginning years are definitely the hardest so far. But I love how loved I am I saw a post on Facebook saying to enjoy this because you’ll never be this loved again I feel like that is so true !  When our kids are young and needy at times it may seem like a never ending mess and you may wish it away. But why one day it will be over and we will look back fondly missing it so why not enjoy every moment ! I hope everyone is having a good holiday season!

Where did November go??

Hello everyone! so I don’t understand how it happened but November came felt like it took a GAZILLION years to end and now as i sit here in December first it feels like it took one second for it to come and go. Why is it that life goes so slow at times, but then at other times you blink and the time is gone? Maybe its like that old saying, hindsight is twenty-twenty.Life is so precious but so crazy , especially with two little ones. I think a lot about how hard things are for me. Make me feel bad because I know that many people have it worse then me, after all my life is pretty okay :). I am in school full time at the moment and I have a four year old as well as an almost eighteen month old. So my hands are full. I wonder how other moms do it all, with even more on their plates? Where does the strength come from?? Some days I feel like I can conquer the world and others I feel like it takes all I can do just to get out of bed. So many days I just feel like I’m going to give up, just throw in the towel and become a couch potato. BUT then I look at my two kids and just  watch them, looking around the world in wonder and needing me for almost everything. My daughter is so independent but she still needs me. I cant quit, I can’t give up. If no one else needs me THEY STILL DO. So if any other moms out there feel like giving up and giving in to the nagging voices just don’t. Keep going! YOUR KIDS NEED YOU. I love a quote by Gandhi, “Be the Change you wish to see in the world”. I believe that each and everyone of us parents should be setting a good example for our children and teach them by example how to be great adults. November flew by and i didn’t get a chance to write a post of what I am grateful for like I said and for that IM SORRY. I am extremely grateful for my blog readers, my family and most of all God above for all he blesses me with.

 

Any topics you would like me to write on??? I’m thinking of starting a blog series on me trying different recipes and such and posting results? Any interest? Just let me know in the comments below.